Ah new year’s eve. How much you have changed. Much like the birthday post, I want to write this down to remember. I want to write this down and save it so I can come here and look at it if the demons come back and I can remember that I came this far.

I don’t know why, but I have a strong dislike of leaving the house on New Year’s Eve. So I stay home. I might at most go to someone else’s house, but even that I don’t like unless I’m staying there. Therefore you can generally count on there being a house party at MinCat’s on the 31st of December.

Last year, I had weird couchsurfer, and Kutti’s friend came over to his house so WC and I went too. There were four of us, and the conversation was…work. I managed to keep my eyes open till 1230 and then insisted on going home, taking WC with me. The 1st wasn’t a bad day exactly, I spent it in my hammock with Greebo, and Kutti ran around being my legs for me. I was grateful to have a friend of some sort, even if we’d known each other two months, there with me to begin the new year.

This year I had an epic struggle trying to keep our quiet sit down dinner under ten people. I didn’t succeed, but only by one. There was some slight drama around invites but I decided to be a nice person and ignore my meaner impulses. I dragged our two dining tables together and fished out a bedsheet to act as tablecloth. I laid the table with all my beloved china (Forgetting to take a fucking photo of course) and spent a half hour being Mrs Dalloway at the florist’s, so I could have centrepieces. Yes, really. Those are still around so I could take a photo. I don’t have a full set of plates for more than 6 people, but I have one white and one blue and white, so I did this little alternating thing.

Meanwhile, Kutti and 2B1M made pork chops. Jholagirl made two kinds of dessert and some orgasmic spinach dip. The Hag brought lovely veggie-filled pasta. The Knight brought chips and Salsa. Second Me brought vast quantities of booze, as did Jholagirl and Jeetu. I made mashed potatoes and roast veggies and mushroom bourgignon.

Everyone turned up at eight or so, except Second Me who had to work, and we had loud and boisterous conversations in the living room until eventually at ten or so we realised we should eat dinner. So we had a long and jabbery dinner, propped ourselves up till midnight and then ran around wishing each other and answering phones. And then the brave and valiant did tequila shots. Heh.

And then Castor called me, so smashed that he came close to the feels, which made me, hardly sober, giggle hysterically.

More boisterous chatting, and some rounds of what are you grateful for later, people began to drop off to sleep and leave and, finally, at 330am I also went to sleep, the last person in the house! That is definitely new.

Most of the 1st I spent cuddled up with SM and Kutti in Kutti’s bed, watching movies (or trying in the case of About Time). The Wise One was texting from his work (!!! IMAGINE!!!). Pollux, who had tried to call me at 4am the fool, turned up to say happy new year and we all sat around and nattered for a bit. And then in the evening K and I went to 2B1M’s for what’s-in-the-fridge dinner.

And I realised, during that day, that I was happy that not many people had called or messaged, because I realised that most of the people I love were already with me that night. Which makes me grin like an idiot. (Less of an idiot grin than the one inspired by the photos of me and TDI at chirstmas party though…which I have to look at every hour or so… hee.) And, as I said to Kutti driving back home last night, I cannot believe that in just one year I have THIRTEEN people I love in my daily life that I see regularly. It might be because on some level I was so sure that I was never going to come out of the dark place, but either way I am incoherently grateful.