This is a very random post. I am doing it for discipline. Please feel free to skip.
I’ve been on OKC for a long time now, almost ten years or so. It all began when I was blogging on xanga, and people used to do these fun quizzes. Lots of them were on OKC, and I signed up with an account so I could keep track of my scores etc. Then one day I got an email from someone and I realised it was a dating site Back in the prehistoric days of 2004 internet, I proceeded to set up a profile and go on to meet some very interesting characters. The first person I met on OKC turned out to be someone I had 1 degree of separation from–he knew my aunt. That should have been a sign of what was to come! The incest! Oh the incest!
Now, in 2013, I have actually shut down my OKC account. Okay, I didn’t go so far as to delete it, but I did disable it and am going to stay away from it as long as I can–at least a month. In all the time I’ve been on OKC I’ve met several wonderful people, a few creepos, a few pyschos and some forgettable people. I’ve gotten laid a lot. I met one person who became a really good friend and then suddenly walked away for no fathomable reason. Many adventures in short. So why did I do this?
Well, in the past six months, I’ve noticed that the pool has dried up quite impressively. I have actually been around the OKC Delhi block about twice. This was brought home to me when I got Second Me onto OKC and she ended up telling me about interesting men she was talking to and they turned out to be people I’d slept with or met or something, and on one memorable occasion, said unfathomable abandoner up above. I worried this would really complicate our relationship, but I think we’ll be okay. I realised that essentially, it’s not that the good ones had left, it was that the good ones and I had already crossed paths and moved on. Sometimes because I wanted to, but usually because they wanted to. And it made me see that I just don’t have whatever it takes to do this putting myself out there thing anymore. It as simply a space the sucked away much of my time and energy and thought, and then proceeded to make me feel bad about myself for it. It was no longer an empowering space where I was able to reaffirm myself as attractive in control woman–I had become pathetic hopeless person talking to 21 year olds. Not pretty.