For urban Indian women today, you meet guys in college, and then when you start working. Lots of us meet them in B-school, or whatever postgraduate things we do. You meet them by the time you’re about 25 or so and then you get married by the time you’re about 28 or so. The interesting thing here is that, if you haven’t met a guy by the time you’re 28 or so, you suddenly realize that all the fun guys, all the guys you went to school and college with, all the guys you’d like to date are already long-term dating/engaged/married. This is not to say that there aren’t single guys in your age group–it’s just that they’re all single for a reason. Usually one of the following:
1. Commitment phobe
2. Brutally dumped by someone and therefore has trust issues
3. Hopelessly in love with someone who is married
4. Deep issues, like The Architect, who needed a shrink and maybe even medication (this does not mean that someone with a mental illness is not dateable, it just means they need to be taking treatment!)
5. All-round player: oo look new shiiiinnnnyyyyy!
So then you are left with no choice but to date younger guys, except, if you, like me, are looking to settle down etc, the younger guy is at least the age difference plus two years behind you on that track. So then what? Then you wait, and once you’re thirty-five, all the divorced guys start to appear.
I looked back at my life and thought about this, and I realized this is rather true. At 27, when I’d found my first relationship, I was so sure that I could hold out for more. But in the two years since my break-up, I’m beginning to see that the possibilities I had 27 no longer exist. I did not see this at that age, and perhaps i went about rejecting guys on the basis of things that I now think of as eminently adjustable to. My boss, when we had this conversation last year, told me how sh had also not really met a dateable guy in ages, and now, she’s 36, she has. Not that that’s evidence per se, but yeah. I now go around earnestly imploring all the young people I know to be very sure they’re breaking up because they really don’t think it’ll work, not cos of some rather solveable problem. Or at least to prepare to cross the dating desert and hope they’ll make it to the other side optimism and faith in humanity intact.