(Old post. Left in the drafts. And yet, it kinda works still.)

MinCat’s back y’all. This blog is like my little warm safe wormy hole. Is anyone reading even? Not that I’d blame you if you’d given up…

Once again I run back to you my dear blog, because once again I’m stuck at dame lo que quiero. The question, as always, is QUE es lo que quiero? What do I want. I don’t know anymore. Sometimes I think I need to see a hypnotist…

Three days ago I was wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life because I left BBot. Now I’m wondering why I’m breaking rules over someone else. Someone else. Story of my life. Forgive me, best beloved, I’m a little drunk and a lot lost. So expect a ramble.

This year’s love had better last caterwauls David Gray, and well, I think I couldn’t agree more. Is there a love this year? You tell me. I drove under the influence, to get him home, when all I wanted was for him to stay. I think of him six hundred times a day. Even when I’m with someone else. And yes, by with I mean in bed with. He’s emotionally unavailable, completely guaranteed to drive me crazy with insecurity if we ever end up together. But oh god, when he’s touching me, I can’t think straight. When he’s talking to me, I’m interested. For him, I will listen to Bob Dylan. I tell myself I don’t want to, I should not, and then I try and make sure we can spend time alone together. I spent fifteen minutes trying to catch the spot on me that smells like him tonight. I want to wrap him around me and never let him go.

I thought I was all cool now and I could handle sleeping with someone I like. We fool ourselves often, no?

*cos it’s playing now, and it’s kinda apt no?

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