Some of you might remember a certain gentleman who went by the moniker of The Architect. The Architect is a boy I met on okcupid, went on some dates with, and liked muchly. I was thrilled by how he wanted the same things as I did–to meet someone, settle down, start a family, etc; to be happy by his own definition of it and not by some random social yardstick–and he is an extremely talented photographer. He really liked me, and was sweet and nice. He wanted us to be a couple, in all of one month, and I was so happy I’d found a boy who wanted a relationship and made no boned about articulating it and working towards it! And so I acquired a boyfriend.
Ladies, a word of advice: If you don’t like it when a boy kisses you, do NOT date him.
I went home for Diwali, and he was very clingy. He got clinger by the second–with total disregard for my sleep he’d insist on talking at 11pm, 6am, whenever he wanted to, and I, pathetically spineless, felt bad about saying no. Eventually I started saying no and he got even MORE clingy–attributing my refusal to lose sleep and talk to the fact that I had a social life. He whined about how my friends and my socializing took away OUR time together, even when I was in Hyderabad, I was out and couldn’t talk to him on the phone. When I came back from Hyderabad, he came over to spend time with me, and we watched a movie. The entire time he had his arms clutched around my arm, staring at me. It began to make my skin crawl.
He also turned out to be BBot, just without the fun bits.
So I said, listen, this is too much too fast; we clearly don’t know each other enough–you had no idea I’d b so social, I had no idea you’d be so clingy–let’s go back to being friends and see. It’s probably too soon for me to be in a relationship anyway. He said okay. And didn’t stop clinging. Sigh. Eventually he asked me, about two weeks later, if I’d made up my mind about us being in a relationship. I gave up and said listen, not happening. At which point he kinda lost it and began to rant and rave and scream. Entirely fair, since, a month earlier, I’d fancied myself in love with him. Then he called me horrid names, at which point I said, dude, go to hell–only nicely. Haven’t heard from him since.
The things I learned about myself from this whole mess are interesting:
- I simply cannot put up with people who are always clinging and needy–when here I thought I’s always want a boy who couldn’t stand to be without me.
- I am definitely not calling anyone my boyfriend unless I’m REALLY sure I want to marry him. Though I suppose I did think I did with TA. Maybe I mean that I’m not calling anyone my boyfriend till I’m sure I know him well.
- I really need to be with someone who is sure of himself and in himself, who can and does enjoy a life independent of me.
- I need to be with someone who enjoys socializing–because I love people and I’ll always want to be around people, even if it’s only four friends in my house. I tried twice to be with guys who didnt’ enjoy it but were okay with my doing it and it’s not enough, cos I’m such an extreme socializer!
- I am really just fine being alone until I find the right guy. Settling is not an option. Whod’a thunk it!
- I also do not have the energy, patience or reserves to coax another person out of their own issues and into fairly normal relationship behaviour.