As my time here comes to a rapid end, I wanted to, in my oh so twee way, sum it all up. To counter depressive tendencies, we shall begin with the sad stuff.
I regret that I didn’t take as many photographs as I could have. I regret all those gorgeous fall days I stayed on the couch, bumming about online. I regret never getting pictures of Riverside Park in the non-winter months. I regret not going dancing every week. I regret not actively seeking out Latinos and making friends with them. I regret not getting ELT certification. I regret not doing adequate research about immigration regulations and the like, which would have helped avoid much of the chaos of the past six months. I feel stupid for not having had my yearly physical while I still had insurance! I wish I had gone to Yellowstone. And Maine. I wish I had gone skiing! I wish I had taken a road trip – somewhere. A long one.
I regret not having the backbone to control my living situation. I’ve only lately realised just how much it affected me. It made me bitter and just took the edge off any joy at ALL that I experienced here. Perhaps if I had done something – talked straight, said no I don’t want to live with a boy I don’t know from Adam, SOMETHING – even if it hadn’t changed things a lot, it might have made me feel better. It might have prevented me from becoming this obsessively petty, highly repressed person, most definitely someone I’m not.
I deeply regret not going to Latin America. I regret not having had the courage to explore something new; the motivation to prevent my lazy self from reverting to the easiest option. Perhaps I’m just meant to BE a theoretical person, in that I’m excited by the idea of being the kind of person who does some things, but I can’t be arsed to do them!
Most of all I regret not writing a thesis worthy of my abilities. Once again some events were beyond my control, but I could have done more. On the bright side, this is the first time my own deliberate academic underachievement has actually bothered me. Woo!
…to be continued…maybe!